Angels on the Moon
by Falling to Fly
Summary: "Don't tell me if I'm dying 'cause I don't wanna know. If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go. Don't wake me 'cause I'm dreaming of angels on the moon, where everyone you know never leaves too soon." He never expected them to leave him on his own.


**I should be working on Road to Nowhere because the most recent chapter was so awful, but I saw the lyrics for the song 'Angels on the Moon' by Thriving Ivory and decided that, even though I have RtN and Release and Logan, Kendall, and Carlos oneshots that I should be writing, I needed to write this. I guess I just can't stay away from James angst. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

Dim light filtered through the blinds of James Diamond's bedroom. The room's only occupant lay sound asleep on his bed, the sheets hiding everything but his eyes and hair. Everything was calm, and James showed no sign of wanting to wake up anytime soon. There wasn't a sound to be heard, anything to disrupt him from his easy slumber, but he stirred anyway. He kept his eyes closed, allowing himself a few more moments of peace before he got up. Usually Carlos would have woken him up with the noise he made by then, but the apartment was silent, allowing him more time to sleep.

James opened his eyes slowly, looking around the room with half-asleep eyes. The flashing red numbers caught his attention, and he shot out of bed, instantly alert. "Guys!" he yelled, scrambling to his dresser and grabbing a random pair of jeans and light blue v-neck. He quickly threw on the clothes and grabbed his lucky comb from where it was lying on his dresser. "Guys!" he yelled again as he burst through the door, running for the stairs. "Guys, we're late! We were supposed to be at the studio half an hour ago!" He pounded on his friends' doors as he ran to make sure that they heard him.

There was no answering yell of surprise or any sounds of one of them crashing from their beds. Instead, James was met with more silence. He ran downstairs, thinking that maybe they were already down there. That didn't make any sense, because they would have woken him up if they were already ready to go. "Gustavo is going to _kill _us! We need to go!" he shouted as he ran through the living room and the kitchen. But the others will still nowhere to be found.

James looked around wildly. Where would they? They wouldn't have left without him; Gustavo would still punish them all if only three of them showed up. Had they forgotten and gone down to the lobby or the pool? Maybe that was it. There really wasn't anywhere else they could be, unless they were hiding somewhere in the apartment…

James slapped his forehead. Of all the times to joke around… "Guys, this isn't funny! We need to _go_!" He stormed back through the living room, checking behind the couch and anywhere else they could have been hiding. "Guys, I swear if you don't come out right now I'm leaving without you!" Still no one moved out into the open. "Fine! I'm leaving!" He turned around, heading for the front door while simultaneously looking behind him to see if his friends. He gasped as his foot suddenly caught something, sending him flying forward and crashing into the door. His head his the doorknob with a hard thud and he fell to the ground, dark spots dancing before his eyes.

James groaned and put a hand to his head, feeling for any blood. To his relief he didn't find any, and within a few seconds his head had stopped spinning enough to sit up. He leaned against the wall, wincing when his fingers brushed against a big knot in the back of his head. That was going to hurt later. James blinked at looked around, trying to see what had tripped him. He froze when he saw what was in front of him. Confusion distracted him from his earlier panic as he stared. Right by the door, one of them now sideways on the floor, were three packed suitcases.

For a seconds he didn't move. As far as he knew no one was going out of town. Perhaps Mrs. Knight and Katie were going on a trip? After what seemed like an eternity of sitting there, James finally mustered up enough strength reach out and grab one of the luggage tags, checking the name on it. Instantly his breath caught in his chest. This didn't make any sense. Had he hit his head harder than he thought or something? James rubbed his eyes, waiting to see if it would change would he was seeing, but the name on the tag remained the same: Kendall Knight.

James pulled himself to his knees and frantically grabbed at the other two suitcases. Carlos Garcia and Logan Mitchell. For a split second he was afraid his heart was going to stop. Why were his friends' suitcases packed up and ready to go by the door? Had Gustavo scheduled an out of town performance that everyone had just neglected to tell him about? James opened his mouth to yell out for his friends again, but when he looked up he found that they were standing right in front of him, only a few feet away.

"Guys?" he asked, laughing nervously. "What's going on? Are we going somewhere or something?" Kendall, Carlos, and Logan exchanged small smiles, but they were sad, almost pitying. And they were directed at him. Kendall took a step forward, still smiling gently at James. "Yeah, we are going somewhere, James." James tried to smile back, but something held him back. He had a weird feeling in his chest, like something big was about to happen. But nothing could have prepared him for what Kendall said next. "Back to Minnesota."

This time James was sure his heart stopped, or at least skipped a few too many beats. He felt all the color drain from his face, and suddenly he was feeling dizzy again. "W-what? Real funny, you guys. Now let's go, we're running really late." He started to push one of the suitcases away from the door, but Logan grabbed his wrist. "No James. We've already talked to Gustavo, and he knows that we're not coming. Our flight leaves in three hours."

James stared at Logan for a full thirty seconds before tearing his wrist from his grasp and stumbling away. "This isn't funny, guys. _Let's go._" His voice shook as he spoke, and he wondered why his friends wouldn't drop the joke. Couldn't they see that he was on the verge of having a panic attack? His heart sank when Carlos shook his head. "They only place we're going is to the airport and then home to Minnesota."

James looked at each of their faces individually, trying to find some sign that they were lying to him. But there was nothing but pity; no dishonesty, no laughter. No regret. James shook his head, pulling at his hair. _No, no, no, no, no. _They were serious about this. "You guys have to be kidding. Kendall, you said yourself that you thought that Los Angeles _was _our home. Why do you guys want to leave now? We're so close to becoming famous! We've worked so hard! How can you give up when we're so close to achieving our dreams?"

Kendall, Carlos, and Logan exchanged another look, but this time they looked almost annoyed. "James, you know that we've had a lot of fun with you here. I mean, it's been a real adventure, don't get us wrong, and we're happy we've helped you become famous like you always wanted, but… you know that _this _was never our dream, right? We didn't mind helping get you here, but this was never what we really wanted to do. You knew that, right?"

It felt like someone had punched him in the stomach repeatedly. Carlos and Logan nodded, agreeing with everything Kendall had just said. James shook his head, unwilling to believe what they were saying. "You guys… But I thought you… You guys have been going after this just as hard as I have. You can't really mean that you don't want to do this anymore…"

This wasn't right. They had worked at becoming famous for over a year now. They'd gone on tour, performed concerts, not to mention all the friends they'd made along the way. Kendall had a girlfriend, and Logan was obviously still in love with Camille. They couldn't just be willing to leave all that behind, not on such short notice. None of what they were saying made any sense.

"We _did _like doing this, James, but it's time we went back to Minnesota and did the things _we've _been dreaming of our whole lives. It's time for us to move on, and you know it," Carlos said gently. But James didn't know it. "No, I know you guys love doing what we're doing. If you didn't, you wouldn't have come back with Gustavo when Griffin dumped us. You would have said no and-"

Logan interrupted him, his voice sympathetic. "But we did say no, James. The first time Gustavo asked us to come back, we all said no. We only said yes because we knew it would make you happy, and maybe because somewhere in the back of our minds we thought that maybe if we tried it for a little bit longer we'd love it as much as you did. But we don't, James. It's time for us to go home and do what makes _us _happy."

Time seemed like it was moving in slow motion. Nothing felt real. James leaned back against the door to support himself, fearing that his legs would give out at any moment. Tears stung his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. "I don't… This is so… Sudden. What… What made you suddenly decided that now was the time to leave?"

Again the others looked at each other knowingly. James decided right then that he hated being out of the loop and that in the future he was going to have to make sure to know everything that was going on. But there next words had them questioning have much he was going to talk to them ever again. "James, we've been talking about this for months. We didn't want to leave you when we were in the middle of things, but we decided last week that today was the day that we were going to tell you and go back to Minnesota."

His world exploded right then. Last week. They had known for an entire week that they were going to leave, and for that whole time they'd managed to keep it from him. Suddenly it made sense. The way they hadn't been trying as hard during rehearsals, how they'd spent as much time as they could with all their friends at the Palm Woods, the way everyone had looked at them like they were about to disappear… James' eyes widened as something suddenly occurred to him. Everyone had known. His friends had told everyone _but _him that they were calling it quits and going home.

He wanted to say something else, but he was all out of ways to fight them. Even if he had had something to argue with, he wasn't sure he could trust himself to speak. His entire body was shaking, and he was afraid that at any second his tears would pour out. Noticing the pain in his eyes, Kendall reached out and put his hand on James' shoulder. "We really are sorry, James. We're not going to make you come with us. Gustavo said that he could probably get permission from Griffin and make a solo act. You don't have to give up on your dream just because we won't be here."

It was the pure sincerity in his voice that hurt James the most. They were being so kind to him, but none of them showed any signs of being sorry for ripping his heart out of his chest and stomping on it. A solo act. Solo meant alone. For his entire life James had always had someone by his side helping him along, whether it was his parents or his brother or his friends or anyone else. He couldn't do things by himself. He needed someone there with him, giving him constant support.

Logan's voice broke the terrible silence that had filled the room. "I know this must be hard for you to understand, but just think of it as… making the people around you happy. We know you, James, and despite what some people think, we know you're not selfish. You've always done what's best for the people you care about, even if you didn't like it. I want to be a doctor more than anything, and Kendall wants to be a pro hockey player, and Carlos… Well, he just wants to explore his other options instead of being tied down to something like he is here. We have to do what's best for ourselves, and right now that's going back to Minnesota. We really are sorry, James."

But they weren't sorry. If they had been they wouldn't be leaving him. Or even if they had, they would be upset and in tears like he was now. But they weren't; in fact, they looked happier and more at peace than they had in months. This was what they truly wanted, and he was only standing in their way. He was holding them back. But he just really didn't want them to leave.

Logan glanced down at his watch and sighed. "We'd better go if we want to catch our flight. Mama Knight and Katie already checked us out and are waiting down in the lobby." He looked into James' eyes, not even flinching when he saw the tears cascading down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, James," he murmured, pulling him into a gentle hug. Kendall and Carlos joined in a second later and the three of them held him while he cried.

This couldn't be happening. They couldn't be leaving him now; it was way too soon for them to be leaving. He felt like he was going to die. He'd never felt his much pain before. He felt them release him, but he couldn't bring himself to look at their faces. "We love you, man. Don't ever think that we left because of you; you're the only reason we stayed as long as we did. Okay? Don't ever forget that," Carlos told him quietly.

The three of them grabbed their suitcases and turned to open the door, but found James in their path, spreading his arms in front of the door as he breathed heavily. "You can't leave," he sobbed, chest heaving as he struggled to take in a breath. "You _promised _we would never turn our backs on each other. You promised. Please, you can't leave. Don't leave me." Kendall and Logan reached out and gently pulled him away from the door, placing him in the entrance of the kitchen.

His legs collapsed underneath him and he sank to his knees, putting his face on the sides of his head and pulling his hair. Carlos, Logan, and Kendall looked at him sadly for a few more seconds before grabbing their suitcases and heading out the door again. At the last second they turned around. "Goodbye, James," they whispered together. Then Carlos shut the door, and they were gone.

James continued to sob where he was on the floor. He wanted to badly to jump up and ran after them, but he knew it wouldn't do any good. They wanted to leave, and there was nothing he could do to stop them. He staggered to his feet and made it as far as the couch before collapsing onto it, curling up into a ball and allowing himself to cry. That was all he could do anymore.

They had left him. He didn't care if it was selfish of him to resent them for it; they had left him without any warning, and they'd left him there to deal with it himself. They hadn't even stopped to see if he was okay. They'd just left him crying in the middle of the floor, as though his pain meant nothing to them. Anger surged through him briefly. How could they have done that to him?

But he couldn't stay mad at them. They'd only been trying to do what would make them happy. They had never told him that they didn't want to become famous with him, and maybe that was why he was so surprised by their decision. They had to have known that he would listen to them and let them do what made them happy, right? Because if they really wanted to and they had talked to them, he would have let them go. But they'd just packed up and left instead, and he couldn't be okay with that.

James pulled his legs closer to his chest, crying hysterically. They'd promised him that they would never turn their backs on him, but they had. James felt selfish for thinking that, because he was the only one out of the four of them that had been truly happy, but no matter what way you looked at it, they had still turned their backs on him.

He felt so tired, even though he had only woken up half an hour ago. Suddenly all he wanted to do was sleep, lose himself in dreams. Anything would be better than being awake and thinking about _them. _Nightmares wouldn't be able to compare to how scared he'd been earlier, how scared he was now. The darkness was beckoning him, and he let it overtake him gladly. His breathing evened out as he closed his eyes, and within moments he'd given into the sleep.

* * *

James jerked out of his sleep and sat up suddenly with a gasp, breathing hard. He could still feel the tears on his face, and he pulled his knees to his chest again, rocking back and forth. They were still gone. Kendall and Logan and Carlos had still left him, and no amount of sleeping was ever going to change that. He was all alone in L.A. and-

James jumped as someone started pounding on his bedroom door. Wait… bedroom? How had he gotten there? James looked down and noticed for the first time that he was sitting in his bed, still in his pajamas. There was more pounding on the door, and then he heard a voice that he thought he'd never hear again. "James! James, wake up! We need to get ready for rehearsal!"

Before he could respond, the door was opened and Carlos poked his head in, flicking on the lights. "Get up, sleepyhead!" Carlos grinned as James blinked, eyes adjusting to the sudden brightness. Then he noticed the tears and his smile faded. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked, stepping in a bit more.

James was staring at him in wonder. Carlos was there. That meant that he'd never left, and that meant that Kendall and Logan hadn't either. So it must have been a dream. _Nightmare, _James corrected himself. Definitely another nightmare. "James?" Carlos' voice, now sounding a bit worried, pulled him out of his thoughts. James blinked. "What? Oh, I'm fine. I'll be down in a few minutes, okay?" Carlos frowned at him for a few more seconds, then smiled. "Okay! But hurry up! Kendall's mom made pancakes and said we can't eat them until you get down there!"

James nodded and Carlos left the room, giving James some privacy to get dressed. The boy rubbed his face before getting out of bed, moving slowly around the room to get ready. He walked as if in a daze to the stairs, but stopped himself. What if he found their suitcases by the door again? Even if the first time had only been a bad dream, he couldn't go through that again. It would kill him. But he had to know, and after taking a few deep, shaky breaths, he made his way downstairs.

Kendall and Logan were sitting patiently at the table while Carlos bounced up and down in his seat. The Latino's eyes lit up when he saw James and he immediately dove for the plate stacked high with pancakes, impaling six or seven with his fork before settling back into his seat and attacking his breakfast. Kendall and Logan smirked before helping themselves to the food. But James hadn't moved. His eyes were fixed on the door to the apartment.

There were no suitcases. He stared hard at the spot for a few seconds, then around the room, half expecting them to pop out of nowhere. When they didn't, he let out a sigh of relief and felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off his chest. They weren't leaving him. They were staying in L.A. and becoming famous and following his dream. _His _dream.

He silently sat down at the table, pushing around his food with his fork. He didn't have much of an appetite. Feeling eyes on him, James looked up and found his friends staring at him in concern. "Everything alright, man?" Logan asked. James tried to smile, but even he could tell how fake it looked. "Yeah, I'm fine… I…"

He couldn't seem to form the words, and all of them noticed. "Come on, James, you know you can tell us anything, right?" Kendall asked, green eyes protective and concerned. James nodded slowly and took a deep breath. "You don't have to do anything that makes you unhappy for me, you know," he said in a rush. The others frowned at him in confusion. Kendall raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

James bit his lip. "I know you guys gave up your dreams to come out with me and that you've sacrificed a lot for me and… I don't want you to be unhappy. I'll understand if you want to leave and follow your own dreams." The last words were a whisper, and he dropped his gaze to the table, suddenly interested in a little scratch on the wood.

The others were still frowning at him and there was a brief silence before Logan spoke up. "Um, okay… Where did that come from?" James didn't say anything as he continued to look down. "James, I thought you knew that this-" Kendall gestured around at everything. "- _is _our dreams now. I mean, we might have been a little reluctant in the beginning, but we love singing and dancing and all of this way more than I ever imagined possible. I don't know about Logan and Carlos, but I don't want to leave this at all."

James' head snapped up just in time for him to see Carlos and Logan nodding in agreement. "Yeah, Kendall's right. What brought this on, James? We could never leave you or L.A. behind. We love it here, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. We have way too much fun to want to do or be anywhere else," Carlos said, smiling.

"Well Kendall and Carlos kind of stole all sappy friendship moments, so there isn't really anything I can add," Logan chuckled. But he turned serious. "But seriously, what would make you think that we don't love this? Did something happen?" James looked at his friends for a few moments before breaking into a huge smile. "It's nothing," he told them honestly. "Just something stupid."

The others nodded, returning his grin. Carlos grabbed another pancake and shoved it into his mouth. "Weh shood goh," he said with a mouthful of food. Everyone stared at him as he chewed and finally swallowed. "We should go," he repeated, pointing at the door. "We have to be at Rocque Records in half an hour."

His friends nodded in agreement and followed him to the door. All of them grabbed light jackets and headed out the door, heading to the limo that would take them to the studio to follow _their _dreams.

* * *

**Wow corny ending. Haha. But angst followed by friendshippiness makes me happy, so it's okay. Thanks for reading, and please review!**


End file.
